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Journey to Self-Love

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I’m on a journey.  That journey is one of learning to truly love myself.  I’m a lover.  I’m passionate, caring, empathetic.  I am a child of sexual abuse.  I was taught that in order to be special, I needed to have a man in my life.  After a 30 year toxic relationship, I’m on a pathway that is foreign to me.  I’m walking it alone, trying to find fulfillment within myself…as I curl up in the hands of God.  Deep down I know I am safe…but I feel scared.  This territory is so new to me.

I find myself longing for that which I have lost…despite the toxicity.  I hang on to the God-thread and clutch it desperately…praying it is not as fragile as I feel.  I am learning to appreciate the small things.  I watch birds build a nest outside of my window.  I listen to their song in the morning as I savor a cup of coffee.  I take time to breathe.  I read poetry, and fall into the words as they seep deep into my soul.  I listen to the laughter of little children as they are playing.  I remember the little girl inside of me who got lost along the way.  Somewhere along this journey, I hope to find her again.  And when we finally merge as one, I know that we both will be loved.


Written by cherylawilliams

March 16, 2012 at 10:17 pm

2 Responses

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  1. learning to be by yourself after something like that is very difficult and i wish you every success with that. my mom chose to stay in a toxic relationship because it was “better than being alone” and that was to the detriment of all around her. I had to make the difficult decision to cut ties with her and live a healthier life for me and my family. it took a long time to feel like it was the right decision, and i still miss her, but i know i did the best thing for me, even if she couldn’t.


    March 17, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    • Thank you for reading and commenting, Valerie. I’m glad that you were able to do what was best for you. It is very sad when the other person cannot see the truth in a situation and do what is best for themselves.


      April 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm

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